How am I gonna see it?

The reason I posted this picture is because it can be good or bad. Some people see the snow as a pesky nuisance that just gets in their way. It causes everyone to slow down in a world where everyone is in a hurry.

Well that's just what I love about it. I see it as a beautiful cover up of the reality below. It causes everyone to slow down and pay attention to what is going on around them. The world seems to become quiet and peaceful. I see a calming excuse to sit around a fire and play with my kids.

Lately I have been just so weighted down with people who need. People I truly love and feel their pain. I am burdened with the anguish of not being able to really help them and I find myself often on my knees about them. The frustration of not knowing the big picture and having so many unanswered questions to why things do or do not happen.

I guess it is like the snow. Ya, it is cold and miserable when I sit in it and dwell over the many people who drive so slow. Not to mention the dirty mud mixed into it all. And if I am out in it too long, I freeze my butt off. But really it isn't so bad when my babies are all puffed up in snow close laughing and playing. And if I go inside and look at it from an different perspective it all changes. Sitting by the warm fire looking out the window it is beautiful. I guess perspective is important. How we choose to look at things makes all the difference. I don't have all the answers. THANK HEAVENS! Man, I would never be let alone if I did. lol Sometimes searching for the answers is what causes the greatest strength in each of us.
Just how I am feeling to day.

Curious Benny

So I came down stairs to a minty fresh smell and noticed the gum packet on the counter.






Next to it was a pile of wrappers......










Next to that was a pile of gum.







Why he didn't eat it you ask? Honestly I don't know, but I am glad he didn't. Can you imagine the mess he would have made when he spit it out. hahahaha

I like it now.

Ok, so my expression is weird but I wanted to show myself that the hard work is paying off. I have gone from a size 14 to a size 10 since last October. It is a slow steady process that I have been taking. I have changed from eating processed foods and replaced them with more home made items. It takes time but it is worth it. I started with getting rid of a few things in my house. It seems extreme but I threw out the things with High fructose corn syrup, MSG, and any type of Hydrogenated oils. It is surprising how many things have those three ingredients in them. It is also amazing how many easy replacements there are. I am not perfect at it, I still have a few things like fruit sancks and such. I have also really made the effort to make better choices when I eat out. I am finding that my kids and I are liking the healthy choices better then the alturnatives now. They like veggies grilled on the BBQ, and they eat whole wheat bread no problem. Mainly cause it is the only choice. :) We still get cookies and french fries, just not as often.

My point in this post is to remind myself that If I set small realistic goals then I can follow them. I will step it up to the next level soon. That is buying more Organic, but I just can't afford it now. :)

Let's not forget the exersize. I am so lazy. I get board working out to videos. But loosing the inital first 10 lbs was very motivating. I have a few different videos to choose from. They range in different difficulty. I simply pick the one that fits my mood. Which is often lazy lol, but I really try to do something at least 3 days in the week. I hear that 3 days helps maintane and 5 days help you loose. I am loosing though because I have done nothing for so long. :) Pretty soon I will stop loosing and I will have to do more diffucult workouts and more often.

The best part is that now I really like to exercise. I feel better, I get more done in the day, I am more patient with my kids, and I am more turned on for Bryan. (I know gross to you, but it matters for a health marriage.)

So this is my note to self. Healthy eating and regular exercise actally makes me a better person. You know... this is the word of wisdom. People think we Mormons are so crazy for what we believe. Well, I have found the perfect weight loss program. It was givin hundreds of years ago by a Prophet named Joseph Smith. To be honest for those of you who are not members of my faith....I am not preaching... I am stating the facts. :)

So get up and go do something. Even if it is only 10 min a day. You may not get big results but at least you are getting started.

Know what you believe.

An interesting thing this happened to me just now. Some missionaries from the Jehovah's Witness Church just stopped by. I have to admit that I was impressed with how well versed they were in their scriptures. I was embarrassed how horrible I was at being able to reference my own scriptures. I am a returned missionary myself, and I know very little about the scriptures. How pathetic is that? I really do believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints is Christs Church. I also believe that it is the ONLY Church with the proper authority to act in Gods name. So with that being said...why am I not studying the words of God? Why don't I know how to teach the truth about the fullness of the Gospel? There is no excuse. A new goal that I am going to set. Pick a topic and study the scriptures. If I claim to be Christian then maybe I need to learn more about my Master. Just saying. :)

California here we come. Again and again and again.

We have had a few trips to Cali this year. Most recently for my sister-in-laws wedding. Missy was married to an old friend of hers from Claremont, Ca. I was good friends with the family and so it is really fun for me to see them married. Not to mention that they are now my family too.

I wanted to post some of the pictures my sister Becki took of my kids. I should add that Becki was my life saver. She totally stepped up and helped me with my rug rats. Thanks Becki you are now my favorite sister named Becki. Ok, lame but I think your totally rad. Is that better. lol

Reality Check

Have you ever needed to just turn off your brain. Forcing it to think only happy thoughts, and yet you're still falling out of the sky? Much like in Peter Pan when John and Michael got scared and couldn't think of any happy thoughts to keep them in the air.

Reality is an interesting thing. You are forced to see through the mist, so to speak, and see things as they really are. Sometimes they are amazing, and some times they just scare the piss out of you. :)

Even when you are seeing love and joy there is this nagging thought in the back of your head about the unknown. You fight it and focus on the happy thoughts, but there is a reality there that is unavoidable.

This is where Faith comes in. This little glimmer of hope in the unknown. It takes the fear away from you and replaces it with hope. I often wonder why people choose not to believe in God. He is my happy thought. He takes away all my fear and replaces it with hope.

Then, and only then do I see the scary reality with a possibility of joy. I trust that there is a bigger picture that I either can't or don't see. I believe that the artist of this picture loves us and will do what is best for us. Even if it is difficult, He helps us through it all.

Why wouldn't everyone want to face life with such a loving and compassionate Father? I am so grateful that I was raised in the Gospel.

My little brother, Andrew, left for Iraq this week. Due to the nature of his job I am not at liberty to give any details about when or where he is. Yep, that doesn't make me feel any better about his safety. lol

I do trust the Lord though. Andrew is strong in his heart and he listens to the Lord. What ever the big picture will turn out to be, I trust in my Father in heaven.

Good luck Scooter, we will keep you in our prayers.

I am so very proud to be your big Sister.

Things to remember.

Things to remember:

My children asleep, they are so angelic.
Bryan on the floor with four babies sitting on his tummy playing motorcycle. :)
The way my house sounds when the wind blows, it's like being in the woods.
The warmth of the sun.
The way little ones hum while playing quietly.
Baby kisses, their soft little toot less mouths are so sweet.
The way Bryan's eyes twinkle when he flirts with me.
The way Bryan's eyes twinkle when talking to his little girls. It is different but the same. :)
How my boys cuddle me like they will never get enough. (I know that may not last)
The giggle of little girls.
When boys play they make noises, not words but sounds. :)
Wet, suntanned little ones, playing in the sprinklers.
Cold, wet children hugging my hot skin to get warm.

For now I just wanted to remember these things. This all happened today. All of this happiness in just one day. So today I am very grateful. See it there is always something to look forward to. I just needed to be patient.

Just me complaining. :)

Today is one of those days that I just don't want to be a Mom. I want to be selfish and single with only myself to think about. I know there are a thousand and one reasons why I will not feel like this tomorrow, but just for today I do.

I am burnt out with the needs of others. The cooking, cleaning, the stopping of silly fights. Listening to all the reasons why I am wrong, mean and selfish. Yes, I am so selfish....my kids get the hot baths....I have a luke warm shower. Even if they have been fed my kids always seem to find room for what ever it is I am having, even if it is the same thing they just complained about not liking. The impossible to keep clean house, the nasty pee stains off the toilet, wall and floor. The nasty dirty clothes, sheets and towels.

Not to mention that when Daddy, wonderful and honestly not in trouble this time Daddy, returns from work even he is in NEED. It is never enough and it never ends. That is for all of them. How many hugs and kisses have I given to day? More than I have received.

When I do take a little bit of time to myself I am told I am being selfish and negligent. REALLY????!!!! And for all of this do I get help, or a relief from family? Not very often. And seeing as none but one of them even bother to actually read my family blog, I don't worry about posting this. Some times it would be nice to hear..."You know what Amy, you work so hard and you really do have some pretty well behaved kids. Why don't you and Bryan go away for the weekend and we'll take the kids for you."

Ok, now I am going to get myself into trouble. I just feel so exiled some times. That is from ALL sides of family. grrrr I am really being selfish and spoiled here. Sometimes venting can get carried away and do more damage than good.

So after all of that complaining....:) Katie just came down here and told me how much she loves how much I do for her. So now I am crying and feeling very ungrateful myself.

I think I just need a girls night out. :)

I'm taking the advice.

So I have been painting these princess pictures for my girls lately.

I have always hidden my art work for such stupid self-conscious reasons. I guess it's just fear. What if I am not any good, or
what if others don't like it. Well I have been painting again and I haven't been worried about what others thought, mainly because I have enjoyed it so much. Not to mention my girls get so excited as I get close to finishing each piece.

I have done 3 now, the two shown and Cinderella, who is being framed, so I will post it later.

My good friend Melissa said something that really made me think. She told me that I didn't give myself enough credit and that I shouldn't be afraid to post some of my work. So although this is very scary for me I feel I need to suck it up and share a God given talent.

I don't expect comments, I just needed to do this for me. As a first step toward being able to maybe sell something one day. Thanks for the boost Melissa.

Just like Daddy

When ever Bryan does yard work Ben is right there helping.

Ben's trick

Sorry about the naked baby but this was just tooo funny. Benny figured this out all on his own. LOL yep I am gonna have to keep my eye on this one.