Reality Check

Have you ever needed to just turn off your brain. Forcing it to think only happy thoughts, and yet you're still falling out of the sky? Much like in Peter Pan when John and Michael got scared and couldn't think of any happy thoughts to keep them in the air.

Reality is an interesting thing. You are forced to see through the mist, so to speak, and see things as they really are. Sometimes they are amazing, and some times they just scare the piss out of you. :)

Even when you are seeing love and joy there is this nagging thought in the back of your head about the unknown. You fight it and focus on the happy thoughts, but there is a reality there that is unavoidable.

This is where Faith comes in. This little glimmer of hope in the unknown. It takes the fear away from you and replaces it with hope. I often wonder why people choose not to believe in God. He is my happy thought. He takes away all my fear and replaces it with hope.

Then, and only then do I see the scary reality with a possibility of joy. I trust that there is a bigger picture that I either can't or don't see. I believe that the artist of this picture loves us and will do what is best for us. Even if it is difficult, He helps us through it all.

Why wouldn't everyone want to face life with such a loving and compassionate Father? I am so grateful that I was raised in the Gospel.

My little brother, Andrew, left for Iraq this week. Due to the nature of his job I am not at liberty to give any details about when or where he is. Yep, that doesn't make me feel any better about his safety. lol

I do trust the Lord though. Andrew is strong in his heart and he listens to the Lord. What ever the big picture will turn out to be, I trust in my Father in heaven.

Good luck Scooter, we will keep you in our prayers.

I am so very proud to be your big Sister.

Things to remember.

Things to remember:

My children asleep, they are so angelic.
Bryan on the floor with four babies sitting on his tummy playing motorcycle. :)
The way my house sounds when the wind blows, it's like being in the woods.
The warmth of the sun.
The way little ones hum while playing quietly.
Baby kisses, their soft little toot less mouths are so sweet.
The way Bryan's eyes twinkle when he flirts with me.
The way Bryan's eyes twinkle when talking to his little girls. It is different but the same. :)
How my boys cuddle me like they will never get enough. (I know that may not last)
The giggle of little girls.
When boys play they make noises, not words but sounds. :)
Wet, suntanned little ones, playing in the sprinklers.
Cold, wet children hugging my hot skin to get warm.

For now I just wanted to remember these things. This all happened today. All of this happiness in just one day. So today I am very grateful. See it there is always something to look forward to. I just needed to be patient.

Just me complaining. :)

Today is one of those days that I just don't want to be a Mom. I want to be selfish and single with only myself to think about. I know there are a thousand and one reasons why I will not feel like this tomorrow, but just for today I do.

I am burnt out with the needs of others. The cooking, cleaning, the stopping of silly fights. Listening to all the reasons why I am wrong, mean and selfish. Yes, I am so selfish....my kids get the hot baths....I have a luke warm shower. Even if they have been fed my kids always seem to find room for what ever it is I am having, even if it is the same thing they just complained about not liking. The impossible to keep clean house, the nasty pee stains off the toilet, wall and floor. The nasty dirty clothes, sheets and towels.

Not to mention that when Daddy, wonderful and honestly not in trouble this time Daddy, returns from work even he is in NEED. It is never enough and it never ends. That is for all of them. How many hugs and kisses have I given to day? More than I have received.

When I do take a little bit of time to myself I am told I am being selfish and negligent. REALLY????!!!! And for all of this do I get help, or a relief from family? Not very often. And seeing as none but one of them even bother to actually read my family blog, I don't worry about posting this. Some times it would be nice to hear..."You know what Amy, you work so hard and you really do have some pretty well behaved kids. Why don't you and Bryan go away for the weekend and we'll take the kids for you."

Ok, now I am going to get myself into trouble. I just feel so exiled some times. That is from ALL sides of family. grrrr I am really being selfish and spoiled here. Sometimes venting can get carried away and do more damage than good.

So after all of that complaining....:) Katie just came down here and told me how much she loves how much I do for her. So now I am crying and feeling very ungrateful myself.

I think I just need a girls night out. :)

I'm taking the advice.

So I have been painting these princess pictures for my girls lately.

I have always hidden my art work for such stupid self-conscious reasons. I guess it's just fear. What if I am not any good, or
what if others don't like it. Well I have been painting again and I haven't been worried about what others thought, mainly because I have enjoyed it so much. Not to mention my girls get so excited as I get close to finishing each piece.

I have done 3 now, the two shown and Cinderella, who is being framed, so I will post it later.

My good friend Melissa said something that really made me think. She told me that I didn't give myself enough credit and that I shouldn't be afraid to post some of my work. So although this is very scary for me I feel I need to suck it up and share a God given talent.

I don't expect comments, I just needed to do this for me. As a first step toward being able to maybe sell something one day. Thanks for the boost Melissa.

Just like Daddy

When ever Bryan does yard work Ben is right there helping.

Ben's trick

Sorry about the naked baby but this was just tooo funny. Benny figured this out all on his own. LOL yep I am gonna have to keep my eye on this one.

I know it has been ages since I have been blogging. Life like to trick us into thinking we are always too busy. :) I have spent as little time possible on the Internet these days and more time playing with my kids. I have really seen a difference in them, but to be honest I miss my alone time. I am going to try and get back to my journals...or blogging.

This is our Christmas picture in front of the new house. More to come.