We decided to drive to California and spend Christmas with my family this last year. It was the first time we have been with my parents for Christmas. So as part of their tradition they do a white elephant exchange. Dad got this....and none of us wanted to take it from him. hahahahahaa I love my Dad. We stayed with my sister Becki in her beautiful house in Laguna Nigel. One warm (to us) morning we took the kids for a walk. hahahaha well it was to hot in the 60 degree weather and my poor children were getting heat stroke. Seriously they are little wooses.

So I had the bright idea to take the kids to Hollywood. I though the walk of stars would be fun. I had forgotten how nasty it is there. hahaha But the kids seemed to enjoy it.

Did you know that Godzilla has a star?!!! I guess they don't mean what they use to. hahaha

I have lots more pics to post...just not enough time right now.

Amdrew's back

So my brother Andrew returned from Iraq this week and we were given one day with him. It was so cool to see him again, especially for the kids. Even Benny jumped out of the car and hugged him when we got there. He is doing great. I can't tell you any cool stories though because he couldn't tell us anything. lol Classified. I understand though, so no complaints. There are still guys out there doing a dangerous job and I would never want to do anything to put their missions in jeopardy.

We spent the last part of Sunday on Fort Lewis base. We basically just went to parks and played. It was so much fun.















Andrew is teaching Isaac to me tough...um I don't think Isaac got it.










Welcome home to our favorite hero.

Not here to impress.

Ok, I am just sick of my kids. Sorry I know those are the forbidden words for a Mother to ever utter, but...what ever. Some days I am just tired of the whining, crying and fighting. I get tired of give, give, give and then I get very little back. Ya, it is selfish, but once and I while I need to be. Mother's day just isn't enough. Besides my birthday is the week after Mothers day, so everyone thinks I should be ok with just combining the two. NO WAY!!! I only get two days to be selfish a year and I want TWO SEPARATE days. Is that wrong for me to ask? Honestly is it?
I don't exactly have family I can just drop off my kids and go play. Well I take that back, my Sister-in-law is always willing and I try not to over use her. Still it is expensive to hire a sitter for 4 kids. So I just don't get out. Times like this make me really appreciate my Mother. lol She has six of us little monsters, and I know we weren't easy.
Being a Mom is just one of those things that I don't think we really ever truly can prepare for. I thought I knew how I would be. Patient, playful, attentive, loving, and oh so clean. HAH!!! I may be all of those things once and a while but never all at once. It is difficult not to slap the 4 year old who is crying because the 6 year old touched her. Then the 9 year old is lecturing them both because she knows everything. Meanwhile the 2 year old is up coloring on the wall. Then when I tell someone about the 2 year old coloring on the wall they give me this look like "well that's what happens when you don't watch your kids".

AS IF I CAN BE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE!!!

So my hope is that I never forget. I don't want to be that judgemental woman who looks in disgust at a little kid throwing an absolute fit in the store. I don't want to have the thought of why the Mother can't control the child or why is the child such a brat. Maybe, just maybe the Mother can't control the child cause if she actually disciplines the child in public then there is worse criticism assuming abuse. Yep, being a Mother is hard. We need more than just one day. It should be a celebration every quarter. Yah, that sounds good. Every three months I get a day off. Why....well if nothing else I DIDN'T kill any of them. haha



I say all of this but then I see them doing something so innocent and sweet. Then all of that frustration melts away with love. Funny how that works huh. I know one day they will be all grown and I will miss them. But that is not today. If I get it off my chest then I am actually a better Mom, so I will blog it. lol

What grounds me?

It must be the simple things!! That is what keeps my perspective. The month of March is just ridiculously busy for me. Totally my fault. I have over booked myself by committing to a lot of big things; weddings, events, plays, sewing projects, trips, etc. All of them are things I really want to be a part of, but I didn't consider the time, effort and money that all of these things would take from me. To be honest I am just worn out and none of it has happened yet, just all the preparation. lol

So I have noticed that I am not reading my scriptures or saying my prayers like I use to. I am not giving the proper attention to my children like I should, and I have stopped working out. Hmmmmm now I wonder why I feel empty, tired and frustrated. I was going through some of our family photos and came across this little video of my Benjamin, now 2yrs old. He loves music. I often find him sitting at the piano playing for himself while he sings.



Ok so it gave me perspective. The simple little things like this video remind me of what really keeps me grounded. Small moments like this that make me smile and I forget all the silly things that I think are so much more important. So thanks Benny for reminding Mommy how easy it is to allow "things" to distract me from what I know I need. I need my relationship with my Heavenly Father to be good...I need the relationship with my Husband to be good... I need the realtionship with my children to be good..., and I need to give my self down time so I can be good with myself. :)

How am I gonna see it?

The reason I posted this picture is because it can be good or bad. Some people see the snow as a pesky nuisance that just gets in their way. It causes everyone to slow down in a world where everyone is in a hurry.

Well that's just what I love about it. I see it as a beautiful cover up of the reality below. It causes everyone to slow down and pay attention to what is going on around them. The world seems to become quiet and peaceful. I see a calming excuse to sit around a fire and play with my kids.

Lately I have been just so weighted down with people who need. People I truly love and feel their pain. I am burdened with the anguish of not being able to really help them and I find myself often on my knees about them. The frustration of not knowing the big picture and having so many unanswered questions to why things do or do not happen.

I guess it is like the snow. Ya, it is cold and miserable when I sit in it and dwell over the many people who drive so slow. Not to mention the dirty mud mixed into it all. And if I am out in it too long, I freeze my butt off. But really it isn't so bad when my babies are all puffed up in snow close laughing and playing. And if I go inside and look at it from an different perspective it all changes. Sitting by the warm fire looking out the window it is beautiful. I guess perspective is important. How we choose to look at things makes all the difference. I don't have all the answers. THANK HEAVENS! Man, I would never be let alone if I did. lol Sometimes searching for the answers is what causes the greatest strength in each of us.
Just how I am feeling to day.

Curious Benny

So I came down stairs to a minty fresh smell and noticed the gum packet on the counter.






Next to it was a pile of wrappers......










Next to that was a pile of gum.







Why he didn't eat it you ask? Honestly I don't know, but I am glad he didn't. Can you imagine the mess he would have made when he spit it out. hahahaha

I like it now.

Ok, so my expression is weird but I wanted to show myself that the hard work is paying off. I have gone from a size 14 to a size 10 since last October. It is a slow steady process that I have been taking. I have changed from eating processed foods and replaced them with more home made items. It takes time but it is worth it. I started with getting rid of a few things in my house. It seems extreme but I threw out the things with High fructose corn syrup, MSG, and any type of Hydrogenated oils. It is surprising how many things have those three ingredients in them. It is also amazing how many easy replacements there are. I am not perfect at it, I still have a few things like fruit sancks and such. I have also really made the effort to make better choices when I eat out. I am finding that my kids and I are liking the healthy choices better then the alturnatives now. They like veggies grilled on the BBQ, and they eat whole wheat bread no problem. Mainly cause it is the only choice. :) We still get cookies and french fries, just not as often.

My point in this post is to remind myself that If I set small realistic goals then I can follow them. I will step it up to the next level soon. That is buying more Organic, but I just can't afford it now. :)

Let's not forget the exersize. I am so lazy. I get board working out to videos. But loosing the inital first 10 lbs was very motivating. I have a few different videos to choose from. They range in different difficulty. I simply pick the one that fits my mood. Which is often lazy lol, but I really try to do something at least 3 days in the week. I hear that 3 days helps maintane and 5 days help you loose. I am loosing though because I have done nothing for so long. :) Pretty soon I will stop loosing and I will have to do more diffucult workouts and more often.

The best part is that now I really like to exercise. I feel better, I get more done in the day, I am more patient with my kids, and I am more turned on for Bryan. (I know gross to you, but it matters for a health marriage.)

So this is my note to self. Healthy eating and regular exercise actally makes me a better person. You know... this is the word of wisdom. People think we Mormons are so crazy for what we believe. Well, I have found the perfect weight loss program. It was givin hundreds of years ago by a Prophet named Joseph Smith. To be honest for those of you who are not members of my faith....I am not preaching... I am stating the facts. :)

So get up and go do something. Even if it is only 10 min a day. You may not get big results but at least you are getting started.

Know what you believe.

An interesting thing this happened to me just now. Some missionaries from the Jehovah's Witness Church just stopped by. I have to admit that I was impressed with how well versed they were in their scriptures. I was embarrassed how horrible I was at being able to reference my own scriptures. I am a returned missionary myself, and I know very little about the scriptures. How pathetic is that? I really do believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints is Christs Church. I also believe that it is the ONLY Church with the proper authority to act in Gods name. So with that being said...why am I not studying the words of God? Why don't I know how to teach the truth about the fullness of the Gospel? There is no excuse. A new goal that I am going to set. Pick a topic and study the scriptures. If I claim to be Christian then maybe I need to learn more about my Master. Just saying. :)

California here we come. Again and again and again.

We have had a few trips to Cali this year. Most recently for my sister-in-laws wedding. Missy was married to an old friend of hers from Claremont, Ca. I was good friends with the family and so it is really fun for me to see them married. Not to mention that they are now my family too.

I wanted to post some of the pictures my sister Becki took of my kids. I should add that Becki was my life saver. She totally stepped up and helped me with my rug rats. Thanks Becki you are now my favorite sister named Becki. Ok, lame but I think your totally rad. Is that better. lol

Reality Check

Have you ever needed to just turn off your brain. Forcing it to think only happy thoughts, and yet you're still falling out of the sky? Much like in Peter Pan when John and Michael got scared and couldn't think of any happy thoughts to keep them in the air.

Reality is an interesting thing. You are forced to see through the mist, so to speak, and see things as they really are. Sometimes they are amazing, and some times they just scare the piss out of you. :)

Even when you are seeing love and joy there is this nagging thought in the back of your head about the unknown. You fight it and focus on the happy thoughts, but there is a reality there that is unavoidable.

This is where Faith comes in. This little glimmer of hope in the unknown. It takes the fear away from you and replaces it with hope. I often wonder why people choose not to believe in God. He is my happy thought. He takes away all my fear and replaces it with hope.

Then, and only then do I see the scary reality with a possibility of joy. I trust that there is a bigger picture that I either can't or don't see. I believe that the artist of this picture loves us and will do what is best for us. Even if it is difficult, He helps us through it all.

Why wouldn't everyone want to face life with such a loving and compassionate Father? I am so grateful that I was raised in the Gospel.

My little brother, Andrew, left for Iraq this week. Due to the nature of his job I am not at liberty to give any details about when or where he is. Yep, that doesn't make me feel any better about his safety. lol

I do trust the Lord though. Andrew is strong in his heart and he listens to the Lord. What ever the big picture will turn out to be, I trust in my Father in heaven.

Good luck Scooter, we will keep you in our prayers.

I am so very proud to be your big Sister.

Things to remember.

Things to remember:

My children asleep, they are so angelic.
Bryan on the floor with four babies sitting on his tummy playing motorcycle. :)
The way my house sounds when the wind blows, it's like being in the woods.
The warmth of the sun.
The way little ones hum while playing quietly.
Baby kisses, their soft little toot less mouths are so sweet.
The way Bryan's eyes twinkle when he flirts with me.
The way Bryan's eyes twinkle when talking to his little girls. It is different but the same. :)
How my boys cuddle me like they will never get enough. (I know that may not last)
The giggle of little girls.
When boys play they make noises, not words but sounds. :)
Wet, suntanned little ones, playing in the sprinklers.
Cold, wet children hugging my hot skin to get warm.

For now I just wanted to remember these things. This all happened today. All of this happiness in just one day. So today I am very grateful. See it there is always something to look forward to. I just needed to be patient.

Just me complaining. :)

Today is one of those days that I just don't want to be a Mom. I want to be selfish and single with only myself to think about. I know there are a thousand and one reasons why I will not feel like this tomorrow, but just for today I do.

I am burnt out with the needs of others. The cooking, cleaning, the stopping of silly fights. Listening to all the reasons why I am wrong, mean and selfish. Yes, I am so selfish....my kids get the hot baths....I have a luke warm shower. Even if they have been fed my kids always seem to find room for what ever it is I am having, even if it is the same thing they just complained about not liking. The impossible to keep clean house, the nasty pee stains off the toilet, wall and floor. The nasty dirty clothes, sheets and towels.

Not to mention that when Daddy, wonderful and honestly not in trouble this time Daddy, returns from work even he is in NEED. It is never enough and it never ends. That is for all of them. How many hugs and kisses have I given to day? More than I have received.

When I do take a little bit of time to myself I am told I am being selfish and negligent. REALLY????!!!! And for all of this do I get help, or a relief from family? Not very often. And seeing as none but one of them even bother to actually read my family blog, I don't worry about posting this. Some times it would be nice to hear..."You know what Amy, you work so hard and you really do have some pretty well behaved kids. Why don't you and Bryan go away for the weekend and we'll take the kids for you."

Ok, now I am going to get myself into trouble. I just feel so exiled some times. That is from ALL sides of family. grrrr I am really being selfish and spoiled here. Sometimes venting can get carried away and do more damage than good.

So after all of that complaining....:) Katie just came down here and told me how much she loves how much I do for her. So now I am crying and feeling very ungrateful myself.

I think I just need a girls night out. :)

I'm taking the advice.

So I have been painting these princess pictures for my girls lately.

I have always hidden my art work for such stupid self-conscious reasons. I guess it's just fear. What if I am not any good, or
what if others don't like it. Well I have been painting again and I haven't been worried about what others thought, mainly because I have enjoyed it so much. Not to mention my girls get so excited as I get close to finishing each piece.

I have done 3 now, the two shown and Cinderella, who is being framed, so I will post it later.

My good friend Melissa said something that really made me think. She told me that I didn't give myself enough credit and that I shouldn't be afraid to post some of my work. So although this is very scary for me I feel I need to suck it up and share a God given talent.

I don't expect comments, I just needed to do this for me. As a first step toward being able to maybe sell something one day. Thanks for the boost Melissa.

Just like Daddy

When ever Bryan does yard work Ben is right there helping.

Ben's trick

Sorry about the naked baby but this was just tooo funny. Benny figured this out all on his own. LOL yep I am gonna have to keep my eye on this one.

I know it has been ages since I have been blogging. Life like to trick us into thinking we are always too busy. :) I have spent as little time possible on the Internet these days and more time playing with my kids. I have really seen a difference in them, but to be honest I miss my alone time. I am going to try and get back to my journals...or blogging.

This is our Christmas picture in front of the new house. More to come.

Ooohhh become like little children

My little family has been though a crazy few months lately...and it is not over yet. I have been....let's just say I have been complaining just a bit about it all. I have been so focused on the injustice and burden it all is that I have lost sight of the bigger picture.

Well thank heavens for children.

At a particularly low time for me my 7 yr old put me in check. We knelt down for family prayer, Katie said it, she basically just thanked the Lord for everything. I mean all of the things we DO have going for us.

She thanked Him that we had a place to stay, that they had cool air mattresses to sleep on. She was grateful that Daddy has a job that makes money for us to get toys, and that our family was all healthy.

My eyes were full of tears when she finished. What a humbling moment it was for this whiny Mommy who is only seeing all of the negative. I understand now why we are told in the scriptures to become like a little child. They are pure and see the world in it's purity. So I am also grateful for the things I do have.

I would list them but really there are a lot.

GRRRRR

Sometimes being a good friend means you have to hurt people you love. Not in any mean way ever, but truth can be very good. I get taken advantage of sometimes. It isn't easy to do to me, but it happens. I want to help and I am really trying to be a better person. That doesn't mean that I have time for selfishness of others. I am not a beckon call girl. That is all I am going to say on that. I just want things to slow down a bit so I can get back to enjoying the things that I love most.....my family.

My lullaby

Years ago I have a really good friend who wrote a song for me. Funny thing is that I still sing this song to my kids as a lullaby. I have changed some of the words tough. Well this friend recently got a hold of me and we were talking about the song. When he found out I still sing it he wanted to know how I changed the words to make it for my kids. So Erik this is for you. lol

If I knew of a way to capture you smile,
You would never see me down again.
If I knew what to say to keep you mine
You would hear those words time and again.

You are the day and the night to me
You are my sunshine and my moonlight
You fill my days with a tender melody
And you bring peace to my nights.

This lullaby was meant from me to you,
Can you see the love in my eyes.
Remember this love will never end
So there's no need for you to cry.

All of the flowers they bloom because of you
Your name on every petal
But those same flowers, they pale in you
My love will outlast them all.

I wrote this little song just for you
I hope you know every word is true
Please remember me when your grown
Cause I'll remember you.

I wrote this simple song just for you
These feelings I have for you not new
You make me laugh you make me cry
When I'm not with you I wonder why

But now you're here right in my arms
I wish it could last forever.

Auntie Missy vist